The Horns Hold Up the Halos
by E.R. Burke
Summary: Two girls are pulled into visiting the Dark Order on the possibly worst "vacation" of their lives. But, with the addition of pranks and devious plots of entertainment, it could be more fun than they thought! You know, if they actually survive... NoOwnDGM
1. Chapter 1

**The Horns Hold Up the Halos**

There are times in a young girl's life when you're feeling really great. There are those moments when nothing can bring you down and everything makes you soar higher. There are even times when you can see yourself putting on your favorite pair of boxing gloves and removing a good number of teeth from your alleged nemesis. Of course, that last one only really applies to people as truly insane and violent as me and a dear friend with whom I had brought with me on one of the days completely opposite the kind mentioned above.

And, God knows it wasn't about to end at a simple "bad day". Because that would just be too easy, wouldn't it?

Let's rewind for a second. Somehow, I had managed to get my self either so completely stressed and depressed that my parents finally decided to send me away for a while, or they needed a break from my nagging. I'll admit it. I am a nag when I'm ticked off. And, it doesn't take much to tick me off. And, you know, that might be fine if my parents weren't living, breathing invasions of my privacy. So, all of this ended and began with my being sent to work with my uncle for a while. He wasn't really my uncle, more like a dear family friend who I had often wished to be with in place of my parents whenever I was bored. Surely, there was nothing more interesting in the whole world than traveling from land to land to kill demons. And, not to mention it was the great Froi Tiedoll himself that was the exorcist in question. The whole event was just marvelous in every way! I even got to bring an equally (or more) miserable one of my very dear companions with me for comfort and enjoyment. What could possibly make it bad? Nothing!

Other than that time of the month of course.

And, so there we were, walking a freaking million miles with a couple of freaking weirdoes to a freaking insane organization filled with freaks; all accompanied by my stomach cramps. Joy, oh joy! If gym class couldn't drive me into insanity, this could. And would. And was.

I ought to, perhaps, wisely tell you about me and my friend. I'm a freak. Simple. I'm too smart, too tall, too strong, and too creative. Naturally, that makes friendship a difficult thing to acquire. It's people like me who are very flawed underneath but supposedly perfect on the outside that have such a hard time living that negativity is a serious issue. Everybody expects MORE of you, even if you can't give that. As "wonderful" as people think I am, I'm self-centered, annoying, short-tempered, and a crybaby. See, I even admit my faults so clearly confidence is an issue too!

But my friend Jamie was just different from the average person in every way I was and more. I was smart, but she was smart and fast. I was strong, but she was stronger. I was short-tempered, and if you so much as looked at her the wrong way she's kill you so fast it would take a while for you to even realize you were dead. In short, she was one of the few people who could understand me, keep up with me, outrun me, and make me feel like I wasn't a total living mistake. And, I'm fairly sure she felt somewhat the same.

Of course, I did have other friends, but I didn't really think any of them cared to come with us after I mentioned the possibility that we'd be killed by Akuma before even reaching the destination. Perhaps that would have been nice to leave out?

But, even so, it could NOT get any better. Not a chance.

Unless, you know, it had been on any other day of the month.

Obviously.

The first thing we saw when we reached the end of the climb was a huge gothic-style building that was easily, EASILY the biggest building I'd ever seen. But, I live in a puny and pitiful little town where the biggest building is a three-story hospital. It's not exactly as if I'd have much chance to see a building I wouldn't be able to drop-kick a soccer ball over. Or decapitated doll heads supplied by Jamie. Both seem to work wonderfully.

If I tried to kick ANYTHING over that building, I'd crack the window on the first floor and be working the rest of my life to pay for a pane of glass that damned big.

"Uncle Tiedoll," I whined pathetically. "PLEASE tell me this is the right place?"

"Of course! Welcome to the Black Order girls!" I was amazed that somebody so plagued by so many horrible events could always be so happy and so peaceful. And all of that didn't change the fact that I felt so much less than so-so. So there.

I was coming just about as close as I could to clinging to Jamie without her whacking me in the head as I could. Along with my other faults, I hate people. Where there's a big building, there's a big crowd. Rule of thumb. You know, unless you're dealing with those snooty rich people who never leave their home after they move in. But, seeing as it was the Headquarters of a major organization, it was safe to bet there would be plenty of people there. It would be difficult to work with an army of one person.

And that is why the American Army motto was killed off.

I strode uncomfortably behind my uncle, not really paying attention to anything but the dead drop-off that we had somehow managed to get up even though I couldn't climb to save my life. I said I was strong, not athletic. And, I was very much regretting not having my head forward to see where I was going.

"EH?!?" I heard Jamie squeak a little bit. I ignored it mostly, but blinked a few times and about-faced.

That was the biggest eye I'd ever seen. "HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!" I felt my heart stop as I cursed my lungs out in surprise. I ran right behind Jamie and grasped her shoulders for support as I felt my entire body wavering and quivering from shock. She jabbed me with an elbow, but I suppose she gave up on it only a moment later.

"They're safe," the huge face growing from the door said bluntly. "But they're REALLY weird…"

Jamie used her right-hook-of-terror right on the Gatekeeper's nearest eye.

"**GYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH**!!!" He screamed out in horrible pain. I have to admit, it was impressive to see a girl like Jamie who might appear completely normal face down a giant without hesitation. With her bare hands. You know, or a shotgun, but that wasn't handy at the time being. "NOOOOOO!!!! GET HER AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Tiedoll sighed and redrew that indestructible of his right back where it had been. "Sorry about that Gatekeeper. The two of them just got a little surprised."

"SURPRISED?!?! I'M BLIND!!!"

"… I barely touched you."

"EEEEEEEEEIIIII!!!!" It shrieked in all of its feminine terror. At a girl. And, I'm going to bet that everybody watching the security camera right then was having a "wtf" moment. But hey, somebody has to do it. And so, with the frightened head still bawling, we entered into the building.

And I couldn't even believe that it looked BIGGER form the inside. How is that even possible?

And, the welcoming party was right there too! Just wonderful! I take two steps inside and Jamie's already making faces clearly expressing the thoughts of, _these people of INSANE, and I would know!_ And we would. Ask anybody who knows either of us if we're insane and you'll have an instantaneous "YESS!!! They tried to kill me!!!! Waaaahhh!!" And we enjoyed every minute of it, I'm sure.

The first in the freak-show was this really, what's the word I'm looking for? Um… Prissy-looking dude with a burette-type hat thing and shiny glasses. He was grinning his ass off. Why? Who knows?

And it wasn't about to end at harmless smiling either. Now, I'm normally pretty civil, especially compared to Jamie. But, if you can recall the problem I was having with the date, I think you'll understand.

"HELLO!" He waved his arms around, much as if he was attempting to fly. This was a very entertaining thought for me. Can you see that? "I'm Komui Lee! So very nice to meet you two! I've heard a lot about you from Sir Tiedoll!"

Jamie's urge to maim was rising with every one of his syllables. And, on any other day, I might have considered stopping her before anything happened. Not today. No way.

He struck out his hand pleasantly, and I just glared at him like he was nuts… or the plague. I have different faces for every thought. No poker-face though. Kinda sucks.

"Hi," I replied shortly and timidly. Like I said, I don't like people. People scare me. Scary people like Jamie scare the people away though. Of course, those people should really get their eyes checked if they don't get a response form her infamous "I'll murder you" glare. Perhaps even with those crescent glasses of his he was blind. Hard to say.

"Ah! You must be Ellie!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me out from behind my friend, far away from my circle of comfort. FAR away. "It's SOOO nice to finally meet you!!!"

"… Eh?" I could feel my arm starting to get dislocated. "What did you hear exactly…?"

"Oh, lots of wonderful, WONDERFUL things! Your fighting skills, your smarts, and all about that beautiful writing!!! WONDERFUL!!!"

Yeah, somebody has found the word of the day. "Um… Thanks… I think?"

"Oh not a problem at all, my dear!!" My eye twitched. Nobody in the entire world talked to me like that. And, I honestly preferred it that way. Especially because there were at least ten other people I didn't know watching.

"AND THIS MUST BE JAMIE!!!" He bounded over to my violent, sadistic, manic friend in the style that reminded me of a ballerina.

"If you touch me," she warned with an icy aura dripping off of her ever word. "I. Will. Kill. You."

"… Right then!" He twirled around on a dime, never losing that annoying beam on his mug. "General, you'd better get to the Board Room, and I'll make sure these two get safely up to their rooms!!"

"All right then." Tiedoll nodded lightly. "I'll see you two in a while. Stay out of trouble, all right Ellie?"

"Yes sir," I replied monotonously. How many times had I heard that from my folks? I couldn't count it on the fingers of all my friends and their friends and so on put together. He walked away, clearly admiring the architecture of the building. Jamie and I walked behind the fairy-man and his cohorts. I felt my chest grow heavy. I had hoped for excitement, not people instantly respecting me for something I did without really even trying to. Lord knows this was going to be an equally painful vacation as all the others before me. But hey, at least I wouldn't be stuck at home alone or have to go to school. Plus and plus! And, on top of that, I was going to get killed by Akuma, bothered every moment I was still breathing, and get lost so many time I'd never tell up from down the same way again! So, that about ruins it.

"Pst," Jamie got my attention.

"Hm?"

She whispered quietly in my ear. "Let's ditch them."

And just like that, I was actually having fun.


	2. Chapter 2

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**I don't own -Man. I Own Ellie though. Jamie is based on one of my dearest friends. Lots of this is based on some real events... and facts about my life...**

**Please enjoy! R & R!!**

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**Chapter 2**

Ditching unexpecting freaks is neither hard nor unentertaining. I did wonder for just a moment how long it would take them to notice. But then I stopped caring. Go figure. Seriously, what were they going to do? Duct tape me to the ceiling by my toenails? Really now! I was dragged into the entire mess anyhow, so what did they actually have to hold against me? Umm, oh that's right! NOTHING~!

And freedom is all the sweeter when you're not allowed to have it.

I followed Jamie and put some pep in my step for the first time in a very long time. I'd never even been to a real mall before, let alone something this big! If I didn't have so many people to ask "Hey! Which way is this?!" I'd never have gotten a yard before having to light an emergency flare. Yes, I had an emergency flare gun with me. Why? One of my good buddies that hadn't come because she was spending time with her folks had some spare explosives lying around (Very illegal ones) (Should I be telling you this?), and knowing I was sure to get into trouble because I'm magnetic to it, she gave me a mortar and a home-made firework gun. Hence, emergency flare.

I wonder how illegal that is.

Soon enough, the two of us had wondered into the cafeteria. I still stuck dangerously close to my friend, and she was caring less and less about it by the minute. That's the thing about real friends. Eventually, they'll let you get away with being their shadow. You know, as long as you don't say something that seriously pisses them off. Who does that?!

The cafeteria was almost the same as the one back at our oh-so-hated school, but bigger. And, on most occasions, there weren't mountains of plates and bowls and cups and on and on piled right next to one particular person. That only happened on pizza wedge day (haha). I swear that those were NOT pepperoni, no matter how much the lunch ladies insisted they were.

There, at the base of 'Mt. Mess' sat a white-haired boy who was plenty busy shoveling food down his throat. I was amazed at how skinny he was. Malnourished? Not if he was responsible for all of that! Jamie didn't find it as comical as I did. She looked completely disgusted. I don't think I can even recall seeing her that mad. Well, if you don't count every day that Mathew showed up at school I can't remember. If you DO, then I can't remember a school day in which she _didn't_ looked ticked off.

"Ugh," she growled.

I looked at her with query, but was not given a reply. Instead she shook her head and did the very best she could to ignore the sight. "Are you hungry?"

"Hm? No, not yet. You?"

"Not after I saw that. Um… Ellie…"

"What?"

"There's… somebody behind you…"

I turned around slowly, already kind of getting the aura that I knew who it was. It wasn't loathing or fear that billowed down in my cramped stomach. It was just nervousness. After all, even after the three times I'd met the guy, he'd never really liked me. At all. I recall the first time I smiled at the guy. He pushed me into the horses' water tank.

"Er… Hello Kanda…"

I might have been nervous, but he just looked irritated. "What are you doing here, Snail?" He had the familiar demonic fire around him. But, after spending so much time with Jamie, I was immune. Completely. And I enjoyed the feeling of his frustration at me not running and screaming. I LOVED it.

"Me? Well, I finally went insane and they tried to lock me up in the mental facility, but then I hitched a ride here! Aren'tcha glad to see me?!" It was sarcasm in its purist form. I even added a little swing in my fist to make it more obnoxious.

Kanda didn't like sarcasm directed at him. Neither did Mugen, apparently. "Listen up Sail. If you get in my way, I'll make sure to finish you off this time."

"Ok…" I raised my eyebrow curiously. I knew it was a bluff. However, it was open for debate if Mugen knew that too.

But, I had something even better than a sword. A friend! Just at that moment Jamie bashed Kanda in the back of the head with a chair she had stolen from the next room over. Never before did I believe somebody could go down so fast due to a headshot. "Faggot," she scoffed as she grabbed my arm and led me into a different room. And I was bright pink by then. There were at least fifty people who were now witnessing the cussing Kanda rub his head and shake his fist in my general direction.

When we were safely away and exploring a different wing of the building, I listened with a grin at Jamie's threats and questions. "What crawled up his skirt and died? And what is with that HAIR?! My god! Even MY hair isn't that long! And I can SIT on my hair! I think I'm gonna shave his head if I see him again. Then maybe I wouldn't have to listen to his voice to figure out what gender he is! And what's his beef with you anyway?!"

"Long story…"

"Start telling!"

"Ack. I've met him a few times when Tiedoll came to see my family. He doesn't like me."

"I figured."

"No, really? Yeah, I think the whole thing started because… I don't really know. It might have been that I just looked at him or something. He's pushed me into a pond, off of a tree, almost into the fire-pit, and once he threw me on top of the roof and I couldn't figure out how to get down for an hour. He also insists on calling me Snail… I'm not a very fast runner…"

"Is that all?"

"No. He favors my little brother. I swear that the two of them have tried to kill me. Oh! Last time I saw him we had to go hiking through the snow. It was last year. That wasn't very fun."

"Why's that?"

"I was following him because he said he KNEW where he was going. He clearly didn't. We got lost out in the woods for half of a day before we reached the highway, at which point he insisted that we got left… we should have gone right… and we soon found ourselves two towns over calling from a payphone for somebody to come get us. And, somehow, it was my fault? One thing is for sure, I will NOT trust him with a map ever again."

She looked at me sideways, but then grinned. "Maybe we should share that story with EVERYBODY."

"Yeah! Sure! If you want me to die!" I could feel my hands moving by themselves in the Captain Jack Sparrow sort of way that they always did.

"Oh, hey! Now you saw how easily I dealt with him! He's just a pushover!"

"… Jamie, he beat the snot out of five of my higher-ranking Karate Class peers without breaking a sweat and then still had enough time to yawn as he pinned me under his foot! And that wasn't even WITH the sword!"

She made a "Peeshaw" kind of shrug and just kept walking. I think that telling her that did little more than make her more proud of her actions. Then again, if it was me, I would have been pleased too. Dead, but pleased.

We passed a window, seeing that it had gotten very dark outside in the hour that we had been wandering. I stared to pout a little. "Jamie, we're going to be in trouble!" She wasn't listening. I stopped to look out into the night. "Jamie! I am NOT kidding! We're going to get killed in this place! You saw Kanda! If there's anybody even REMOTELY close to him around here, we're both screwed!!!" Still, I got no answer. "This is not funny!" I turned back to the path, only to see that my friend was gone. Vanished. Poof! Just like that!

And I was having a panic attack. "J-Jamie!!!" I looked around every corner and down all the nearby halls. She was nowhere to be found. I even looked on the ceiling, but that didn't do much good.

"SHIT!!!" And just like that I was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. I was very quiet, listening to everything I heard. That might have provided comfort if we hadn't managed to go to the most empty place in the whole Headquarters. And, I didn't think that firing off a mortar inside of a building was going to help me so much. It might have made a few people go deaf, but then I'd still be lost. I sighed deeply and felt my mood dropping even lower.

"Oi! Snail." And that was the limit breaker.

I didn't even have it in me to be intimidated. I frowned dangerously and glared at the dark-haired exorcist that was making his way in my direction. "What the hell do you want?!"

I think the sinister seriousness in my voice might have surprised him a little. But not much. "What are you doing here?!"

"… Haven't we already been over this?"

"No, I meant in this hall."

"Oh, shut up. When was the last time you cared about me getting into trouble? Uh, never? Now shoo! I have better things to be doing."

Now he looked vastly offended. "You do know that this is where Komui stores all of his failed experiments, right?"

"Say what?"

"Yeah… This isn't really a safe place for little girls."

"Kanda, I know you're a moron, but how long will it take you to remember I'm only two years younger than you, and everybody thinks I look, and act, the same age? If anybody should be concerned about this being in danger, it's not me."

He was mad. I could tell. "Listen here you little brat," he grumbled, coming dangerously close to my face, not that I reacted to it.

"I heard it already! 'Don't get in my way!' Yadda, yadda, yadda. Get a Tictac."

"SHUT UP!! This is serious! I don't know why the hell you thought you'd survive in a place like this, but you're wrong! Go home!"

I rolled my eyes. "Damn man, you're a liar, a jerk, and a worrywart."

"WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?!"

"You DO care!" I taunted him with a fake happy voice before flicking his had off of my shoulder and walking off.

And God knows I should have just listened to him. Really? No, but I'm sure he wished I would say that. Right at that moment I heard an explosion from down the corridor. When I looked closely, I saw Jamie!

I saw Jamie running like hell away from some crazy looking robot.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!!" I was yanked back when she grabbed my arm and pulled me down in the opposite direction with her.

"NOT A GOOD TIME TO TALK!!" I was going at the fastest speed I could, scared like hell because we were being shot at by an android. I was trapped on the Sci Fi channel. Kanda had quickly joined us, if you must know. Jamie and Kanda ran ahead of me, rounding a tight corner and disappearing before I even had a chance.

I was NOT a good runner. I think we've been over this. Wanna see _me_ move fast? You'd better have a LOT of Naruto merchandise and a really good fishing pole. _Narutards 4 Evah_!! Geeks shall inherit the Earth!

Have you ever had one of those really dramatic movie-style scenes happen to you where time suddenly slows WAY down and you get hit in the head at high speed? No, you probably have not. I could have sworn that I did right then though. But, now that I think of it, I most likely wasn't moving as fast as I believed I was. Long story short, I rammed into the wall. I fell to the ground. I looked up at a giant robot with a funny hat, and I started cussing in my own head.

I died.

The End.

Not really.

No, it was lucky enough for me that right as the "Komulin" model was going to blast me it split down the middle and exploded. So, alright, maybe that wasn't a _great _thing, but I was alive. I felt my eye twitch uncomfortably as I looked up at the girl who was towering above me.

"Are you all right?" She had a really sweet and caring voice. She reached her hand down, and I took it.

"I'm fine. Thanks for that."

"I'm Lenalee," she grinned. So, not all exorcists had the Kanda-syndrome. That was good at least.

Come to think of it, if there was more than one Kanda, it would bring about the apocalypse… Hm…

"NOOOOOO!!! MY PRECIOUS KOMULLLLIIIIIIIIN!!!! **NOOOOOOOOOO!!!**"Komui, out of nowhere, suddenly appeared and began waving his arms around in spastic madness.

I am totally convinced that he could fly if he tried hard enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own the D Gray-Man series. I also apologize for not updating. Between school, and getting yelled at for various faults, I didn't have as much time to write as I would have wanted. Also, today I had my first gym class since before Christmas Break, and I'm about to head to my first Karate class in over a month. I may well die. And! If you haven't watched the DGM Abridged Series (I don't own that either) on Youtube (which I also don't own), go watch it right now! It's AMAZING!!!**

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**Chapter 3**

So, scary people scare away people I don't like. However, when one of those scary people happens to be one of the people that scare me, because I'm a scardy-cat, how scary of a scary person does it take to scare the really scary person away? How many people did I just lose? Good. Bottom line; Kanda is frightening like heck, and so is Jamie. Who's got the more violent nature and strongest death-glare?

More importantly, was either one scary enough to get Komui to stop shaking me rapidly back and forth, crying over his deceased robot?

If they were, they weren't testing it.

_Friends_. Hazza, freaking hazza, right?

Kanda's not my friend. I'm going to give you the heads-up there. No way. Not after trying to push me into the fire. Not a damned chance. I wouldn't be completely nice to him for a day even if somebody was going to pay me.

Well, maybe… but it would have to be a LOT of cash.

"**WHY?!?! WHY DID POOR KUMOLIN HAVE TO DIE?!?! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEE!!!!**"

"Brother," Lenalee attempted to get him to stop. "I think you're being a little irrational. Perhaps you should let go of Ellie now…"

"Yes, please let go of Ellie!" I pleaded in third-person.

"…" He gave me a hard look, still heartbroken over a wad of bolts and metal. "What were you doing down here anyway? I only stopped the tour for a minute and you'd gone when I turned around! I thought that I told you the boring stuff was over after we passed the kitchen!"

Yes folks, he really was that unobservant. Quick! Think of a lie! "Oh… Sorry about that! It's just… I saw Kanda and I thought I'd go talk to him for… old time's sake?"

"YOU KNOW KANDA!!??" As Komui flattered me with how much he was happy to see Kanda with a friend, I could see the samurai giving me that "I will maim you" glare I'd become so accustomed to in just an hour. And then, I saw Jamie with that "You are SO screwed, but I think it is SO funny" smirk.

And I was busy giving my self that "You idiot! You should have just told the truth" brain bashing. And did anybody else notice? I doubt it. They were too busy plotting their next moves either for or against my favor.

"Head Officer Komui!" One of his many cohorts was bounding towards us, losing his sanity a little more with every step. "Head Officer! We have a problem," he gasped.

"Hm? What is it?"

"It's… It's a chemical spill!"

"A CHEMICAL SPILL?!" So, I'd thought today's excitement was over. I was painfully wrong. "Holy shit! Are we going to go into lockdown?!"

"… What would be the good in that?" Komui was staring at me like I'd suggested running around in a fairy outfit that oh-so-suited him.

"Well… That's what our school says we have to do when there's a chemical spill…" Of course, that's the same explanation they have for intruders in the building. And I don't see why that would be effective against a spill. Seriously people, "oh no! Hide in here! This tight air-locked closet will keep us from suffocating!"

Those of you who go to my school and DON'T think that's a retarded idea, don't be offended. We ALL know our school is cheap and stupid. That much, we can agree on!

"I'm afraid that's not going to do any good at this point!" The worker looked like he was dying. "It's probably already going through the air vents!"

Maybe he _was_ dying. Maybe I was dying too. But there was only one thing I knew for sure.

"You people are all idiots," Kanda grumbled, as if to put my thoughts into words.

"Now now! Settle down Reever! What exactly got spilled?"

"Well, I'm not sure what most of it was… but… the one I do know was… was…"

"Spit it out already man!!" Jamie was also getting anxious.

"It was Komuvitamin D!!"

That, my fiends, is an "**OH SHIT**" moment if ever there was one. You remember the Overtime Zombie Virus? Uncle Tiedoll told me all about it… you know, with some… he left out the part where all the Generals were running around in bath towels. Marie had to tell me that.

He's much nicer than Kanda.

Lenalee looked like she was going to just fall over right there. "Didn't you get rid of it?!"

"I thought we did!" Suddenly, everybody was looking at Komui in suspicion.

"What?"

"Head Officer, you didn't!"

"Oh, come now! I had to keep something to commemorate the glorious event!"

I'd seen Kanda's murderous glare, psychotic leer, and even his no-way-out-of-me-killing-you stare. But this, this was in a whole different category. And that, good readers, is why Jamie never got a reaction out of Komui. He'd been working with some seriously high grade crap.

Jamie and I just looked confused.

No, correction, Jamie looked confused.

I was too busy screaming inside of my own head and probably foaming at the mouth like I had rabies to even look in the ballpark of confused. I am horribly afraid of zombies. I should never, NEVER have watched Night of the Living Dead (no, I don't own that either) at age ten. Never. I still haven't recovered.

"What are we going to do?!" Lenalee, the only logical person in the room/hallway at the time, was taking charge. Because God knows Komui wasn't helping. And God knows I use the phrase "God knows" way too much.

"Um, clean it up? Duh?" Jamie was probably the smartest person that was still functioning.

"Well… that might be easier if there weren't a bunch of scientists already turned into zombies locked in that room… and we still had the antidote…"

"I'll take care of this," Kanda spat as he unsheathed his Mugen.

"KANDA NO!!!" Komui, Reever, and Lenalee all protested.

Jamie appeared thoroughly disappointed that no blood would be shed.

"Hey! Yu-chan! Did you hear?!" A red-headed boy with an eye-patch pranced up happily right then.

"**DO NOT CALL ME YU.**" His eye twitched a little. I should write that down. Don't call Kanda "Yu". Maybe I'll use this later?

If I don't get turned into a zombie?

"Woah, hey now. Temper, temper Yu! I just came to ask if you heard that the Zombie Virus is on the loose again!"

"… We heard…" Reever didn't look too pleased, mostly because he was in charge of keeping Kanda from killing the guy.

"Oh, well, it looks like I'm pretty late. Did you- WOAH!" He locked eyes with me. "Hello there!"

"…Eh?"

He rushed right up to me, grabbed my hand, smiled brightly, and started yakking. "Hey there! Sorry I didn't notice you earlier Ma'am! I'm Lavi. It's nice to meet you! You have a name?" I swear to God that nobody, and I mean NOBODY, flirts with me. They're WAY too scared with a reputation like mine. And how did I handle this foreign situation?

My face turned strawberry red and I stared at Jamie to help me.

And she did.

Thank God.

In her infamous glory of injuring semi-innocent people who walk up and talk to me, my friend beat Lavi over the head with a metal pole that I hadn't even noticed she was carrying until that moment. He fell to the floor like a rock in a river. See? I can be _poetic_.

"Ass! ELLIE!!"

"Eh?! What Jamie?!"

"Start defending your self! I do NOT want another 'Brandon' episode!"

"Brandon Episode?" Everybody, including the guy I thought was supposed to be unconscious, looked at me for an answer.

I stuttered before pulling my self together. "He was a jackass that hit on me… and I, in turn, ruined his life… he had it coming."

"What did you do?"

"… I'd rather not say…"

"You think THAT was good, you should have seen her in the sixth grade! She flipped somebody over her desk."

"Yeah, thanks for helping me feel so normal and welcome in unfamiliar waters, _Jamie_." I might not be sadistic, but I have a face that conveys emotion and thought so well, I may NEVER need to speak again. There's something to try in Algebra. "Ellie, what did you get for number 5?" And I just give her a "wtf" face. It wouldn't be something I'd survive. Not even slightly. Nope. "BACK TO THE POINT!!! What are we going to do about the **zombies**?"

"… We could just kill them to stop the infection from spreading…" Jamie's plan was not approved of. "Or not."

--

**Ahaha! Sorry the chapter was so short! And thanks a million for the faves and the reviews! It does, however, seem I've managed to work my way into a corner. Does anybody have a suggestion for me here? Oh, and by the way, I've been working on some Character sketches (nothing yet worth a crap), so if I finish those, I'll post a link to them on my (failure of a) Deviantart account. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow, it is COLD up here! It dropped to 25 below last night! NOT FUN!!**

**I don't own DGM.**

**Please enjoy, R&R.  
**

**Chapter 4**

Zombies… I hate zombies…

Did I subconsciously steal that line from somewhere else?

I think I did.

Hm…

But, that is beside the point. For, you see, there were worse things for me to be worrying about at that moment. Well… maybe not. No, definitely not. Zombies should always be at the top of the "to fear" list, placed right before moving vehicles and obstacle courses that are over twenty feet from the ground.

And, it was the very plan suggested to fix the zombie problem that caused me true issue.

"We need somebody to be bait and distract them so we can make an antidote." Komui shifted the position of his glasses on his face.

"I agree," Reever nodded. "It needs to be somebody fast… well, not too fast, or they'll lose interest."

And then Jamie directed ALL attention right at me. Now, do you remember what I said earlier about the "**OH SHIT**" moment? This, this was a "OH HOLY F****** *$#*&%)_ *^$&^!)^!# S***" moment.

"Not a chance!" I was squeaking I was so freaked out.

"Do you want to live or not?" Kanda smirked at his own comment, clearly imagining the horribly things that might happen on my mad dash through Hell. I knew he was thinking about it. I just _knew_.

"Make him go instead!" I pointed at Lavi, no mercy in my plea.

"Yeah, I'll go!" It seemed to me that he actually enjoyed the possibility.

"Sorry Lavi, but you aren't… er… I mean… Ellie needs to do it because… How do I word this?" Komui was trying very hard not to sink in his own words.

"He's not 'disposable' like I am, right?" I had heard that kind of line before.

"NO!! Not at all! If something happened to you, General Tiedoll wouldn't be happy. No, it's just that Lavi's going to have a _different_ job."

"And just what might that be?!"

"Er… I'm still working on that…"

"WHAT?!"

"Are you worried, Snail? Right now you seem more like a chicken."

I grumbled. "_No Kanda_. The fact that I'm trying everything in my power to get out of being bait doesn't imply I'm afraid. **WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK**?!"

"Now now Ellie! Yelling won't get anybody out of this." Komui grinned largely. I wanted to remove those pearly-white teeth of his. With my fist. In a dark alley. And then, I would steal his wallet. "You're just going to have to get it over with."

I wasn't going to win. That much was clear. "Fine… what do I have to do?"

"AHA!!" Komui, like a magician, suddenly whipped out a pair of protective goggles, a bullet-proof vest, and couple of really weird looking shoes that said "DANGER! UNTESTED MATERIAL!" in bold letters across the bottom. "You'll need to put these on!!"

"I'M RUNNING FROM ZOMBIES!!! NOT GOING INTO A WAR ZONE!!!"

"Technically," Lenalee interrupted politely, "they aren't zombies."

"Whatever!" Before I got another word in, Komui had already slapped the goggles on over my eyes, tied the vest securely around me, and started to grab at my feet. "Hey! Hang on! What are those boots even for?!"

"These? They'll make you run faster."

"I thought you needed somebody who only ran mildly fast!"

"… Yeah, that's basically the point."

I just got burned. And nobody even commented because they were too busy chuckling about it. No matter how true it may have been, I didn't much like it.

--

I lurked around the corner, heart heavy in my chest. I felt a lot like I wanted to just fall to the ground and get into a coma there. But I couldn't do that.

If I did, I'd become zombie food.

And NOW I remember where I got that quote from earlier! It's "Mummies… I hate mummies," from The Mummy (don't own it). DUH!

Either way, they're both dead things.

Ew.

Now, does anybody here, reading the insane drabble that you just can't get me to shut up about, know how awful your day would be if following the same circumstances as mine? You'd be pretty damned tired, grumpy, and at the brink of rage too, right? After all, I'd almost gotten killed by a robot, lost, yelled at my Kanda a few times, hit on by somebody I didn't know, and been sent to become Zombie food like a worm on a hook when you go fishing. I feel horrible for that worm. I can relate.

As I went over several rants on what I was going to do to Komui when I got out of this mess in my head, I was startled by the unmistakable low moan of…

A zombie.

Some scientist in a long white coat had managed to get himself infected. And, I was surprised at how agile he was.

And at how fast I was with those spiffy new boots.

"HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!" I fled at more than full-speed down the halls without any true idea of where I actually planned to go. And, seeing as I'd gotten lost in an open hall, I wasn't confident in my navigation skills when compared to the dead guy. Who apparently wasn't _actually_ dead? Hmmm… there's a brain teaser for you. You know, if you live in mortal fear of the undead.

But, as you know, I am neither a fast runner nor an attentive one. I turned my head for just a moment to see if it had gone, and I ran head-first into the wall in front of me. The immediate reaction for any normal person would be to fall down and then get up again in a minute when their head stopped spinning.

I am in no way, shape or form 'normal'.

I collided with the wall, ricocheted off, tripped over a corner in the hall, stumbled back into a garbage can in the Science Department, knocked over the trash can while still inside, and rolled away down what one can barely classify as an incline going nearly twenty miles per hour. Gee, aren't I just _special_? Special something… And, due to the lack of luck I'd been having, I saw this was nowhere near the end. The ride ended when the can hit a wall, and I flew out, dizzy like Hell, and spinning on the toes. That was about when I bumped head-first into somebody. More specifically, that was when my head got buried into the shirt of another zombie.

I backed away, staring out at the undead (meaning not dead at all) creatures (humans) that were circling like a pack of wolves. They looked hungry. Really hungry.

"Eeep," I whimpered. There was no way to escape, regardless of newfound speed. Flight was no option.

And that left me with Fight.

Now, I may be a coward, and slow, and an occasionally annoying person, and insane, but if there's one GOOD thing I have going for me, it's my fighting skills. They are mad. I could take down somebody twice my size without much effort at all (this does not count Kanda, clearly). So, it was my assumption that even though I was facing down some of the scariest things my mind could possibly be dumb enough to recognize as "scary", I would succeed in getting over it if I could plant my fist into somebody's head.

Because, there's NOTHING that satisfies like a good punch, given or taken.

Maybe not taken.

And so, it came to pass that I roughly managed to kick the living shit out of twenty zombies. There they were, at my feet. I was victorious!

How many people picked up on that bluff?

No, actually, I jump-kicked one guy in the face, made an opening in the circle, and ran like Hell again.

Because, I'm not stupid. Zombie or no, I couldn't take down twenty people unless I was some something REALLY strong.

And I had my friend, Lydia, yelling at me to punch harder. But that is a different story.

"GYAAAAAAA!!" I screeched, the victims of Kumovitamin D still hot on my heels. "HEEEEEEEELLLLLP!!!"

God answered.

No, maybe not God. But Hell, to me it didn't matter right at that moment.

Standing there in the light of the next room was Komui and a battalion of his Komulins, each armed with a syringe and quickly darting out to subdue the zombie-people.

"Ellie~! Are you all right?!" He kept his sickening smile.

I would gladly have just hugged him and cried, thanking him for ending the awful misadventure, groveling at his feet and making a fool of my self. If I was high or something.

Nay, in what might have been the most graceful kick I ever made, my foot made contact with his nose. I felt like I was flying, hovering as I defeated my target.

And all at once, it ended with me standing above the unconscious body of the Head Officer.

"Whooo! I give that a TEN!!" Lavi was making a double thumbs-up in my direction, and I thought for a minute that Jamie might have been jealous until she started laughing. My spirit was in the moment. I bowed comically. And then, I happily walked away, ready to head to my room and get some sleep. No more zombies for me, thanks!

"Oh, by the way Komui, "I chimed delightfully in spite of the nasty blow that had broken his nose, "I'm keeping the boots."

Hey, I had to get SOMETHING out of the whole deal!


	5. Chapter 5

**D. Gray-Man is not mine. I only possess the love I have for it. **

**Thanks to everybody for the wonderful reviews and comments! I'm honored that I could make you happy! ^_^**

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**Chapter 5**

I couldn't sleep that night.

In the other bed in our little room, Jamie was out like a light, and I couldn't even coax my eyelids to drop for more than a moment. With a heavy sigh, I slipped out of my bed and through the door, intent on wandering for a while.

I had never been a very good sleeper, but it was especially bad whenever I was away from home. So, basically, any night I wasn't in my own bed was sure to be one that I wasn't going to sleep. This somehow didn't retain to whenever I went to Lydia's house, as I always slept MORE peacefully there.

And thinking of the hyper ball of happiness named Lydia; I realized I was a homesick little puppy. And that was a feat. I hated home when I was there, and missed it when I was away. And none could blame me. For such a perfectly placed little village, it had nothing of interest to those who disliked hiking out in the middle of the God-forsaken boggy river paths. Meaning me. Or those who didn't really want to aimlessly float down the river for a whole day. Meaning me. Or, for anybody who was dreaming of a place where girls weren't getting hitched and pregnant at age fifteen, where intelligence was respected above popularity of the morons, and where one could just feel safe and strong.

And it was nothing but a _dream_.

And where do you go when you need something worthwhile to dream about?

Well, I don't know about you, but the library sounded damn good to me.

I wandered down, no shoes on and kinda sleepy looking, to the gigantic library of the Black Order. And, I had expected that nobody would be there at one in the morning.

How wrong I was.

There, all crammed into a few tables, sat two groups of people, and both groups had mountains of books piled up in front of them. One group had with it Lavi, moaning and groaning over the literature an old man was shoving at him. He possessed the EXACT same "brain-dead" look I get during Algebra! Go figure!

And, at the other table sat that same boy with white hair and a large apatite Jamie and I had seen in the cafeteria yesterday. He, and some guy with two dots on his head and a rather serious look, had a great deal of paper lying before them. Just like Algebra. FAR too many similarities could be spotted.

"Hey! Ellie!" Lavi awoke from his daze, waving me over with some light in his expression. And, of course, it made everybody else in the room notice me, which had not been my intention. I was far from being comfortable with attention around people I hardly knew. I started to question why I'd been dumb enough to even get out of bed.

Politely and shyly, I waved back to him, trying to sink down into my own flesh. However, he continued to wave and beckoned me over, so with a sigh, I did so.

"Hey! Gramps, this is Ellie! She's-"

"Tiedoll's 'niece', I know. It's nice to meet you ma'am. I am Bookman."

"Nice to meet you too!" Oh… My… God… This guy was a freaking leprechaun! But I was being nice! I swear I was! No, he was an elf… it's the ears… they were just so… POINTY!!!

"Ellie," Lavi began sincerely. I gave him my attention. "You… uh… You wouldn't happen to have an opinion on "The Meaning of Life", would you?"

"… Come again?"

"No? Well, that's-"

"No, that's not it! I _have_ an opinion; I just want to know why you're asking."

"Ah! Well, Gramps wants me to do some research on the whole thing, and I can't find anybody who has an answer." He was quite hopeful; I could see it in his eye. "Tell me?"

"I… Well…" I was always categorized as a smart girl.

Always.

Even when I did something disappointingly stupid.

In truth, I wasn't academically as strong as people wanted me to be. Nay, for I am a person who finds genius through _creativity_. Sometimes, I do contemplate the vast complex insanity that is the universe.

And so, for those who don't want to think at the moment, best not concentrate on what I say next.

"In my personal opinion, Lavi, the reason we exist is simply to make change and influence upon those around us. And that, in the end we'll somehow have affected the last people, or person, left standing. Like… a domino effect. We are here, only to change the alleged 'fate' of those yet to come."

And he looked surprised.

And his master looked surprised.

And the two guys at that other table looked surprised.

And I felt stupid.

"Well, we were told that she was wise," Bookman commented.

I backed away a few steps. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to get… smart-alic there!"

"What, are you kidding? That was amazing! Are you a poet or something?"

I blushed and rubbed the back of my head, trying not to make eye contact. "Well, sort of. I don't write that often, but my friends seem to like my poems." I wasn't a person who was comfortable with attention of any kind. I was a natural wallflower when I wasn't with just my friends. Or beating the crap out of whoever pissed me off last. I was just out of my element in every way at the Black Order.

Lavi grinned stupidly. Bookman answered by hitting him over the head with a large tome.

"OUCH! Panda, what was that for?!"

"Keep you mind on studying, not Ellie!"

"If I'm distracting Lavi, I can go…"

"NO!" I swear to God that everybody in the room shouted the same thing at the same time.

"Ms. Ellie, you don't have to leave just because my idiot of an apprentice has his head in the clouds. Please, stay and do whatever it was you came to."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm really only here because I couldn't sleep."

Lavi, for some reason beyond my recognition, was making puppy-dog eyes at me and sticking out his bottom lip. I tried to ignore it, not really sure what he wanted. If he wanted help studying, he was high and dry for all I cared. If there was ANY chance on getting out of school-type work, I was going to take it.

And, when I turned around, I was struck with a feeling of shock. There stood that blonde guy with the dots on his forehead, civil and proper. "Greetings, Ms. Ellie" he greeted, reaching out and taking my hand. My face could NOT have been redder. "I am inspector Howard Link. It is a true pleasure to meet you."

Out of the blue, a large book nailed him in the head. "LAY OFF, TWO-SPOT!" Lavi was at this point standing on top of the desk, hurling books at the Inspector.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" And everything went to Hell from there.

Bookman slapped his apprentice, who took an unusual lack of care in the matter as he was too busy hitting Link with another book. The inspector, at that point, was getting very angry and took it upon himself to draw some weapons that were concealed in his sleeves. Bookman, trying to be sensible, attempted to break up the fight, only to be traumatized when Link accidentally took about three hairs off the top of his head. He went to hide in emo-corner. And then, not surprisingly, Lavi and Link got into a fistfight I was too disappointed to watch. Because, as fun as it is to watch two guys fight over you (and it was nice that they were, because the ego boost filled me with ecstasy (not the drug)), it was childish of them both.

Funny like Hell.

Childish.

And a great reason to make them get on their knees and beg forgiveness later when I needed to feel good.

Instead, I went over and introduced my self to the other exorcist. "Hi," I grinned sheepishly.

"Oh hello. I'm Allen, Allen Walker."

"I'm Ellie B. It's very nice to meet you Allen."

We both looked at the battle that was going to destroy a good portion of the library for a minute before Allen spoke up again. "So, what do you think about the Black Order so far?" He was trying to be polite, and it was nice because it was in purely a friendly way.

"Um… I don't really know. On one hand, it's new and interesting. And on the other…" Again I shot a glace at the two boys who were strangling one-another. "… I think you get the picture."

"Yeah. Have you seen the grounds yet? That's usually where Kanda is about now."

"I figured as much. No, I really haven't been anywhere but, well, you heard about the Komuvitamin incident, right?"

"… Yep." At this point, Bookman wailed loudly. "… Want to go see if Jerry will make us something to eat?"

"Sure!"

I'll admit it.

I like food.

Food it good.

Do you like food too?

Back to the event at hand, Allen and I walked cheerily out of the library, uncaring of the books that could well have pelted us or broken our skulls. After all, there was _food_ involved here.

And from what I'd head, there wasn't a bad thing to be said about the cooking of the Order's Head Chef, Jerry. In fact, I once heard Kanda speak of him. He Just from describing Soba, he brought me to believe Jerry was some kind of cuisine God.

And I know, Kanda doesn't talk about much.

I mean, surely there must not be a conversation in the world that he'd ever participate in, let alone give such feedback, right?

Wrong.

He might be a stiff, but whenever he spent those scheduled two weeks with me and my family, he was different. He was more talkative. Of course, I knew why. He was just covering his ass because if my dad found out he pushed me into a fire pit, he would be screwed.

Because even Kanda fears the wrath of the all-mighty screaming lecture.

"Hey! Jerry!" Allen yelled out loudly into the cafeteria, which was otherwise empty. In fact, it was completely empty besides us being there. "Hm… I wonder where he is."

"Maybe in bed?"

"No, he's usually down here getting ready for the Breakfast-rush about now." By Breakfast-rush, he probably meant that Jerry was anticipating what Allen was going to order so he could get a head start.

"Well, let's go check back in the kitchen!"

The two of us crept up to the window and peered inside curiously.

Allen gasped. "JERRY!!" There, lying basically dead on the floor was the Head Chef. "JERRY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"

Not the slightest reaction was made. The two of us rushed through the door and knelt over the pink-haired Indian.

He wasn't dead, thankfully. However, it did seem that he'd fallen asleep on the kitchen floor. And that didn't look comfortable at all.

His eyes peeled open sluggishly. "Hm?" And then, all at once, he bolted to his feet, knocking Allen over in the process. He fell right into the sink too. I stumbled back, but leaned on the wall for support. "AH! I fell asleep again!!" And then he caught sight of the two of us. "Oh! I'm terribly sorry! I didn't see you two! Are you all right?!"

"We're fine," Allen grinned. "But, we were wondering if we could have a snack?"

"OF COUSE!! What can I get you?"

And so went my night…

* * *

**Ha, that part with Lavi and Link was my own personal little joke. I was checking horoscopes for some reason, and found that I'm the most compatible with the two of them. Especially two-spot. 0_o. I was weirded out man.**

**Remember, R&R!!  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ah, I am sorry for the late update. Bust. Algebra test is a-comin', and I'm a-stressed. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy, because this is the begining in a series of long, horribly, and really freaking funny revenge plots.**

**I don't own D. Gray-Man.**

**No freaking duh Sherlock.  
**

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**Chapter 6**

"So…" Allen started the conversation slowly. The food, by the way, was in every way so perfect that I'm going to have to come up with a new word just to tell you how good it was. How about, "awesomefultastical"? And, after eating, Allen had been the one to complete my tour, top to bottom.

And now my attention belonged to Allen as we ascended the stairs back to the library, hoping not to be caught on the way by either Bookman Jr. or the Inspector. "Yes?"

"I don't mean to be rude or anything but…" He rubbed the back of his head coyly. "What brings you here?"

I sighed. "It's complicated."

"… I have time."

Damn. Now I was going to _have_ to tell him. "Well, back at home, I was having some… issues…"

"Issues?"

"Basically, the anger management program stopped working for me after somebody made me late by blocking a doorway. Not pretty."

"… I see…"

"Yes. And it was about then that U- I mean General Tiedoll was in town. My parents sort of agreed that he'd take me here to; _quote_ 'straighten me out', and in return, they'd give him some information on Innocence rumored to be in the area."

"Ouch."

"Nah, he would have taken me anyway. He's a friend." I shook my finger at my own statement. "But the same can only be said of Kanda half of the time."

"More like _none_ of the time," Allen retorted. "He's a jerk twenty-four seven."

"… How so?" I was getting curious now.

"He won't call me by my own name."

"Well, he won't call me by _my_ name either. I've been dubbed 'Snail', you?"

"… Moyashi…"

I made a tight-lipped face. "Well, at the very least, he cared enough to think of something suitable for the both of us… sort of…" Something clicked inside my head; one of those little idea light-bulbs. Ting!

The exorcist seemed to read it across my face. "What?"

"Oh, nothing… I'm going to get revenge, Kanda will be mortified and embarrassed, and my soul will forever be at peace… but nothing."

He looked at me sideways. "What are you going to do?"

I grinned ear-to-ear. "At breakfast, you will find out."

"Well, that gives you half an hour." We had just passed the clock. It was already 6:30. "Kanda's usually up at seven."

"Well, you're in charge of getting Lavi to come, just because he's SURE to use my material later. I'll see you then, all right?"

"Uh, sure!" He exited and went back to the library, but I was headed all the way back up, straight to the room to wake up Jamie, who was surely the one waiting for me since her inner-clock was timed for five in the morning.

--

I went in as quietly as I could, but my dark-mood friend was already awake, laying on her bed and reading.

"Where were you?"

"…Eating."

"Figures," she rolled her eyes from behind the pages, and I'm sure I saw a little smile too.

"Jamie?"

"What?"

"Do you remember in Middle School when we super-glued Mathew's locker shut?"

"Yeah!" She almost started to laugh. "His face was _priceless_."

"… and then we got in trouble, got detention, and vowed NEVER to pull such serious pranks again?"

"Oh… yeah…"

"Well, screw it. I want to pay Kanda back (with interest) and I need your help. Brainstom."

"Oh, I'm storming. Hey, where are you going?"

"Breakfast."

"Didn't you just eat?"

"Yes. But this is purely for the sake of our first revenge. I have a plan."

"Works for me," she mumbled as she got up and followed me down to the cafeteria…

--

I entered with that familiar little sheepish pit buried in my stomach. But, with Jamie behind, and promised spoils right ahead, I was far from backing down. Lavi was, not surprisingly, sitting right next to Kanda and poking fun at him. Yu, with his immeasurable ability to not give a damn, was trying to ignore him. And his barrier was weakened. It was time to go in for the kill. Allen, meanwhile, was at a neighboring table, but trying hard to look like he wasn't paying attention to what was going on. Link was by his side, perhaps giving a lecture on the proper way to swallow.

With an inward sigh, I walked towards Kanda's table, Jamie questioning and excited behind me.

Kanda smirked as I sat down at the nearly vacant table. "Hello… Snail."

I met his ferocity with sheer happiness, a grin to rival the Millennium Earl himself. "Hello **Short-stuff**!"

Kanda choked on his soba and Lavi gave a blank stare, clearly both amused and confused. Allen was still pretending not to notice, but as he was coughing on his own food, it was painfully obvious he'd heard. The cafeteria seemed to go silent. This was astounding because there were a _lot_ of people eating there.

"But, Yu-chan is taller than you are Ellie." Lavi cutely put a finger to his chin.

"Oh, you mean you didn't know?" I was acting well enough to impress even myself. I sounded innocent in every way. "Up until just last year, I was always taller than he was! Isn't that right Short-Stuff?"

He didn't answer me, instead glaring with a demonic aura that far surpassed anything I'd ever seen before. But Hell, I was on a role now.

"In fact," I interjected while reaching into my pocket. "I have a picture right here!" It was from when I was six and Kanda was eight. However, you'd never have guessed. I was easily a half-foot past him. I handed it to the red-head with unnecessary enthusiasm.

"AW~! Yu-Chan!! You were SOOO cute!"

Kanda broke his chopsticks in half, making an awful noise as he grinded his teeth together. But, it was in vain. EVERYBODY wanted to see now. There wasn't a Finder, Exorcist, Scientist, or anybody else left in their seat. They were **ALL** crowded around Lavi trying to get a look at the picture.

Of course, there was a second reason Kanda didn't want me to show off that particular photo.

It was taken the day that we had all been at my family's annual bon fire. And, in that picture, I was next to my smiling little brother who was giving Kanda bunny ears, even though he was barely able to reach at that age (he'd only just turned 3), and I was grinning my ass off right next to the two of them. But, _all three_ people in the picture were smiling.

Yeah, that's right.

I had a picture of the million-dollar moment, baby.

"Happy Kanda".

There was nothing in this world as horribly angry as an embarrassed Kanda, followed closely behind by a wet cat. But, before facing the wrath of Mugen, I was running like a bat-outta-Hell back to my room. The picture was Lavi's now for all I cared. My revenge was partially complete.

But, you have no idea how cute little Kanda was when he had a smile.

Now I just had to wait to find what Jamie was thinking.

Though, it seemed to me that I had a rough idea.

After all, she was the first of us to comment on his hair.


	7. Chapter 7

**Want a disclaimer? Go read a different chapter. I'm sick of writing it. Please enjoy though! R&R  
**

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**Chapter 7**

Who here knows just how GOOD revenge feels? If you don't, go figure it out, because it feels **GREAT**. The best part?

Kanda had not yet come to know the Hell that was about to be release unto him by two teenage girls.

Don't think teenage girls are scary? Perhaps you should ask somebody who raised them, because my parents both agree with me, I'm sure.

However, there will inevitably be things scarier than Jamie and me in this world. Some words and actions, for instance, can bring about such complete and total fear and chaos as to bring you one inch from falling over to death.

Jamie caught up with me in the stairwell and was grinning deviously. But, before she was able to say anything, Uncle Tiedoll approached. He looked happy and tried.

"Hello girls."

"Hi…" Jamie said with as much respect as she would ever show.

"Hello Uncle Tiedoll."

"I have some bad news." He rubbed his head apologetically. "I have to go off on a mission, so I won't be around to take care of you. So, I need somebody to keep and eye on your well-being while I'm away. So, I'm having Yu-kun do it."

That was a moment I was talking about earlier.

I fucking hate karma.

Damn you karma!!

"You- you're kidding!!"

"No no! Now, Yu's not so bad. He'll make sure you get around fine. Don't worry too much. After all, Ellie already knows him! Right Ellie?"

"…"

"Ellie?"

"…"

"Ellinora!"

"GAH!!" I jumped at hearing my own name. "Yeah, sure!"

Tiedoll patted me on the head and smiled warmly. And then he walked away, leaving me with a really cold and ominous shiver at the back of my spine.

Jamie voiced my thoughts. "We're screwed." Her hesitation was long. "Do we stop our plans?"

"… Nope. Now we have to be worse than before."

"Come again?"

"If he hates 'babysitting' us enough, he'll get sick of it and just leave us alone. Or try to get away from us. Whatever works faster? Besides that, this means war."

That was Jamie's green-light for "time to make Kanda's life Hell". She didn't even tell me what she had in mind as she rushed off. I disregarded it. I was at a point where I was mildly confident, so walking around wasn't so bad. And I didn't have to worry about Kanda with so many witnesses around.

One thing that I couldn't be protected from, however, was Komui.

"Oh ELLIE~!"'

"Oh dead GOD!"

He pranced up to me and grabbed my left arm, pulling me back down the stairs the way I had come. "I need help moving some boxes! Care to help?!"

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"'

"Nope!" That smile made the urge to ring his neck very powerful. "Now come!"

--

The Science department was big.

Huge.

Monolithic.

Any other synonym I didn't list.

The point here is, however, that when asked to move boxes filled with things Komui had anything at all to do with, be prepared to run and scream.

Lavi was already down there, accompanied by Allen and Link. Kanda was nowhere in sigh, but I figured Jamie was keeping him busy anyhow.

Lavi stepped up to me happily. "Hey! Ellie! That was really great what you did at breakfast!" His smile was very joyful.

"Oh, it was nothing."

He tapped me in the shoulder with his elbow from my side a few times. "Is there anything else we should know about Good Ol' Yu-chan?"

"All in good time," I chimed. It would be unwise to waste all of my ammo at the beginning of the war, would it not?

"Lavi-kun, there… oh… hello…" a very sheepish woman with dark hair drooping just below her shoulders stared at me with lack of confidence in her eyes.

"Oh, hi," I answered, only slightly more confidence in my own tone.

"Ah, Miranda, this is Ellie. Ellie, this is Miranda."

We shook hands carefully. "It's nice to meet you," I smiled.

"Oh, yes! It's very nice to meet you too! I hope you enjoy being here."

My smile was sincere and sweet. "Yes, absolutely. Thanks."

"**INCOMING!!!**" somebody screamed off of sight. I heard a horrible shattering noise filled the room.

Now, when something bad is about to happen, time doesn't slow down. Sometimes it skips until everything is already over. And, sometimes, you just happen to be unfortunate enough to see everything that happens in hyper-detail.

I got the later. You see, somebody tripped over somebody else's feet, knocking over a large stack of books. It was then that somebody shouted warning. Those books fell on top of a great many carts, smashing the vials that made the shatter. And then, much in the classic teeter-totter catapult fashion cartoons have tainted our minds with, a clip board capsized and the little glass bottle that was on one end got launched up into the air, tumbled down, down, down…

And landed right on… Er

Well…

…On my chest…

And it burned like it Hell.

"HYAAAAAA!!!" I screeched and tossed my hands at my sides, not wanting to get the mystery substance on any other part of my body. "**_IT STINGS! IT STINGS, IT STINGS, IT STINGS, IT STIIIIIINGS_**!!!"

And chaos ensued. Miranda apologized a million times over, even though she'd have nothing to do with it, within a single moment. A great number of scientists stopped what they were doing, trying to get a look at what was happening, and some of them were attempting to identify the substance that was now all over my chest. That was _not_ going to fly with me. Lavi, Link, and Allen seemed confused, but not all together insane.

"Alright, settle down!!" Reever, who had tried to figure out what it was that had landed on me but was quickly punished by the ever-faithful bitchslap, took charge. "Miss Ellie, you're going to have to wash it off in the Emergency Shower."

That Emergency Shower wasn't private, as it really was no more than a little spigot on the wall with a single little wall between the unfortunate victim and the rest of the world. I was even more deterred from this choice of action by the fact that Lavi got a nose-bleed just thinking about it, and just about all of the other male-type people in the area followed suit.

"NO WAY IN HELL!!" I was screaming bloody-murder for the second day in a row. One thing you'll never complain about at the Black Order is boredom. It simply doesn't exist. It's like having the Twilight Zone running twenty-four seven.

Inspector Howard Lin's hand was on my shoulder and a bit comforting. "Ellie, you should run up to the washrooms _very_ fast," he whispered.

I nodded slightly.

I would have said "Thank You" or been more gracious if I didn't have just about everybody tugging on my arm to get me into the shower I was **not** about to use. It was lucky that Link inconspicuously tipped all of them, so they released me, and I was off like a rocket.

I didn't even think I could climb stairs that fast.

And the ever-torturous Gym class would have been the place to have found out otherwise.

--

If I hadn't bee in such pain, that bath would have been great.

Unfortunately, I was spending most of my time in there trying to scrub off the ooze from well… my chest, and it was very unappealing.

And then, I looked down to see what had become of… my chest.

"**_WWYYYAAAAAHHHH!!!_**"

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**Dun dun dun...**

**Don't forget to review!!  
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	8. Chapter 8

_**Before you read!!!**_** I'm considering a little poll-type thing here. Tell me which of the OCs you like best, ****Ellie****, or ****Jamie****??**

**If you haven't heard elsewhere, Hoshino Katsura is doing fine! D. Gray-Man returns in April after she heals from a wrist injury! HAZZA!! You know what that means? Overload the net with fandom to keep you going until April peeps!!**

**And I clearly don't own D. Gray-Man.**

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**Chapter 8**

It doesn't get worse. Maybe it does. But, I was pretty sure that at that moment, nothing in the world could be worse.

Other than maybe being locking in a room with Mathew, but that's for different reasons.

And, maybe that wouldn't be so bad seeing as I could kill him and then I'd have a decent, but scrawny, food supply.

Ain't I just the little cannibal?

Well, in my insanity-inducing position, it was understandable.

I watched my heart beat rapidly, like it was just going to explode and kill me right there.

Yes, you read correctly.

I _watched_ my heart.

Fingers trembling, I reached to tough it. However, in spite of the fact I couldn't see it, my skin and my muscles were still present.

Thank God.

But, this brought about new issues.

I could see through my own skin, and I was pretty sure it wasn't good for personal health. I was also afraid. I mean, I saw my own innards! Who wouldn't be just a little disturbed by that?! And even that wasn't the worse part. I had no idea what the chemical did, and hoped this wasn't just the first stage. And even _that_ wasn't the bad thing.

No, the bad thing was that eventually, I'd have to ask for help about it.

And the only people who knew anything about it were the scientists.

And the scientists were primarily male.

The nose-bleed event earlier surely proved that fact. And, it also proved that _help_ was going to be less-than-helpful for my poor embarrassment.

"Miss Ellie?! Are you alright?!" The voice belonged to none other than Lenalee, who was courteously standing far off at the wall. Her face held concern.

"Uhmm…." I hesitated. Did I _really_ want to even say anything? But, I sucked up my pride and tossed it to the other side of my mind right next to 'Like for Algebra', 'Respect for Elders', and 'Fear of Rabbits'. "I'm really not sure."

She still looked worried, but her voice was calm enough. "What happened?"

"Weeeellll… I was down in the science department about to move boxes when some Mystery Chemical landed on… my… Hehem! It landed on… my _chest_, and then I ran up here to get it off."

The curiosity didn't fade, but now she looked horrified, if not upset. More than likely, it was something to be directed at her brother. But, I was sure she understood the Emergency Shower issue. "What did it do?"

"You see, that's the problem. I can… I can see through my skin."

And BAM.

She was **gone**.

I'll tell you what, when Lenalee-chan is mad, she's got some serious vocal volume. I heard her calling for Komui from all the way two stories down, and it sounded like she was RIGHT next to me.

And in the mean time, I was scrambling for the towel. There was no way in all the depths of Hell that I was about to be caught in ANY situation without something covering me. Such a thing would result in murder. I'd prefer not to go to juvenile detention. I assumed I had too much to live for. But, as Kanda was likely to end my life after Jamie and I had finished with him, chances are it would even really matter.

I got dressed. My thoughts began to drift as I awaited the return of Lenalee. At that time, I was considering the different ways in which I could kill Komui. Even though it wasn't directly his fault I could see my own organs through my… chest… I was sure to kill him. It's always his fault. Always. Even when it isn't. I considered the options heavily, but decided on a classic.

"Okay, come on Ellie." Lenalee lightly tugged my arm and led me out of the communal baths. Outside stood Komui, of course, and Reever, and Lavi, Allen, Link too, though I had no idea why. I was used to stalkers, seeing as Mathew is one, but having two at once is too much. I knew Allen was just along for the ride because he got stuck being babysat by Howard Link. Lenalee shot her older brother a very unhappy look.

His smile twitched to a frown from the sibling-disapproval. "Right then Ellie; let's see what the damage is."

There were three very obvious nose-bleeds from the boys, and Allen just blushed in condemnation.

I scowled and reddened. "I don't think so."

"Oh, come now! It's not going to get any better until I fix it!"

"You. Will. See. NOTHING. Understand?"

"Oh, now quit being so very shy!!" He reached over and patted me on the back. I stiffened like a board. "You know very well I have to make it better!" And then, he tried to pull off my sweat-shirt from behind.

Yeah…

_**NO**_.

In a very gut-reaction (or so I claimed it was), I grabbed his wrist in one hand, hooked his elbow with the other, shouted my little battle-cry, and threw him over my shoulder with a good effort in waist-movement. Lenalee didn't stop me; she just stood in place looking surprised. Reever didn't stop me either. He was busy trying to get his nose to stop spewing red fluids.

It was a rough landing for the Head Officer. He only got one part of his arm back, as I was unwilling to release the wrist. This in turn, caused his head to be buried in the tiles. As soon as I recovered from my own shakiness, which was far faster than my victim, I put my foot down heavily on his back and twisted his arm. He squealed in slight pain.

"I said NO!"

"I get it!! I understand! Please, please, PLEASE let me goooooooooo!!!!" He was blubbering; more scared than he was hurt I'm sure. I did as asked, dropping his appendage and stepping off. He bounced right back, though kept a safer distance now. "We identified the substance, so these pills should reverse it over the course of the day." He reached out and carefully handed me a bottle of little white pills. "Take one now, one at dinner, and two before bed."

I opened up and downed own quickly, ignoring the bitter taste. In all of the one second it took, however, I had a realization. "Wait a minute! If you identified the substance _before_ you came to see me…" I glared knowingly. I recognized this game. "**You are a sick, perverted, S.O.B.**!!" I stomped forward ominously, sending Komui fleeing full-speed down the stairs. Lenalee and Reever, with a heavy sigh, followed. And then I looked at the boys. "Why are you three here?"

Allen shrugged as Lavi explained, clearly against the matter himself. "Oh! We came to check on you! We just wanted to make sure you were doing fine!!" His smile was sincere, but the blood-stain was still there under his nose and above the upper lip. If I hadn't been there, I'd have assumed it to be ketchup.

Who else here hates tomatoes, but likes ketchup, or vise-versa?

Back to the point. I was feeling devious and my privacy was abused. I looked at Link, eyebrows rising as I probed for an answer.

He sighed and shot a displeased glace at Lavi. "I wanted to keep and eye on him. I don't think he's really the type who'd be _helpful_ in such a situation."

"… Are you accusing me of something Two-Spot?!"

"_Not at all_," He rolled his eyes.

"Oh!" I blinked and made a surprised face. I caught everybody's attention. Now I was feeling very evil, and I was releasing it though the plan that was about to go into fruition. Besides, the Red-Head deserved it for being so very prying of my personal things. "Link, thank you _SO_ much for earlier." I took a step closer to him specifically, doing something I'd sworn never to do. EVER. But, rules like this were meant to be broken.

"Oh… It was no problem Miss Ellie."

I put a hand lightly over my heart, which I prayed was soon to be un-seeable again. "But it was a problem for _me_, so I'm grateful." I batted my eyelashes. It was then that I wondered why it didn't feel foreign enough to me. But Hell, I was mad and I needed to spark some revenge. And I really _did_ have to pay Link back. I moved in closer. I was sure he wasn't entirely comfortable with me being so close, but as he didn't move anything more than his eyelids out of surprise, I knew I was in the clear.

In a swift and pretty little swish, I kissed him on the cheek, backed off, smiled sweetly, and retreated down the stairs as Lavi screamed his vocal cords into Kingdom Come.

I shouldn't have been so proud.

I really shouldn't have.

But my God, if I didn't get that grin out right there, it might have strangled me!

But, Lavi wasn't the only person I heard screeching as I made my way to the top floor. No, no he was not.

I never knew Kanda had such great pipes!

Just then, I saw Jamie casually walking through the halls. She was smiling so brightly, I knew she was the guilty one. I hesitated, and looked at the shiny black stuff in her hair. "You didn't!"

"… I might have…"

I opened my mouth. I didn't think she'd actually have had the audacity to do that. But, unlike yours truly, Jamie was no coward. Far from it! This, however, was on a completely different level of 'Omgwtf did you do?!'.

"Tell me you didn't," I swallowed, believing it was going to be on my head. Because in the eyes of Kanda, _everything_ was my fault.

Instead she waved around the severed dark-blue pony-tail with a sickly malevolent smirk. "I'm going to hide it in Komui's office."

I wasn't sue if I was to be pleased that both Kanda and Komui were suffering, or horrified that I was not only being looked after by a truly pissed-off Kanda, and I had worked my way into deep shit with Lavi and Link.

But God, it felt good in the moment.

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**Don't forget to tell me your favorite OC! R&R!!**

**I love the reviews btw! Thanks to everybody who sent them in!  
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	9. Chapter 9

**For those of you enjoying the quick updates, I'll have you know it is **_**not**_** because I don't have a life. It's because writing **_**is**_** my life!!**

**Also, I can't tell because it's my creation, but if this chapter seems off, it's because the other day I got into my first fight. Physical fight. In school. It wasn't pretty in any way shape or form, and I ask that NONE of you ever do something so stupid. However, I am proud to say I only snapped due to the fact that the muthafuking stalker who is the base for the character Mathew was picking on my friend who was the base for Lydia.**

**And I'm fine. Don't worry; there won't be any discrepancies in updates.**

**I don't own D. Gray-Man, and I pray it comes back nice and soon in April without more delay.**

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**Chapter 9**

Have you ever had a minute where you just stopped, looked back on your actions and thought 'Wow, I fucked up'? I was having one of those moments. Because, as I was single-handedly responsible for the temporary incapacitation of the Head Officer, I'd put up an extra wall of rivalry between Lavi and Link, and I was not-so-directly responsible for Kanda getting a haircut.

The last one might just finish me off directly.

It also probably didn't help that his door was opening and there was some sort of ominous and paranormal draft pouring out into the hall and killing off every sense I had to just buckle down and run. I really should have. I really wanted to.

I didn't.

No, I'm afraid to admit that I just stood there next to Jamie, trying with every fiber of my being, and failing completely, to keep from smiling at the disaster that was Kanda. Jamie hid the chopped hair in her back pocket and pulled up against a wall.

"Wow… Kanda…" I spoke slowly as I was choking back my own tears in pain because I couldn't laugh at him in his face, or I'd die, and that it was just so awful. "Did you… Er… Did you get into a fight with a lawn mower or something…?" I buried my hand in my face. Oh how I wished I had a camera.

"**Shut. The. Hell. Up.**" He glared at me, obviously very insecure about having his image out and vulnerable in the open. His hands shook with such sheer hatred that Mugen was vibrating in his palms.

I took a deep breath and suppressed the laughter more. "Do you… Do you need me to go get somebody… or some hair tonic…?" My smile was so crooked that I half-knew that he was going to put Mugen at my throat before he even did. I was right too! Haha! I am psychic!!

"**I'MGOINGTOKILLYOUSNAIL!!!!"**

And what was the first thing out of my mouth? "… I didn't do it." If that was your answer, you're actually wrong, though I considered it.

"Well Kanda, if you'd like to kill me, _you're_ going to be the one dealing with an upset Lavi."

"… WHAT?"

"Well, he's pissed at Link right now (jealousy)… and without me to tell him _why_ these things are you'll have to… and he'll probably cry on your Soba."

"… Again, what?"

I was shocked he'd be goaded into the conversation. Meanwhile, clearly, Jamie had disappeared. She was smart that way. Very _Ninja_. "Um, was I not clear enough?"

"No, tell me what you did."

"Nothing you can repeat, I'm sure."

He glared, which somehow wasn't as scary when he had short hair. But the one nice thing about Kanda with short hair is that the shock seemed to have completely ruined his sanity. It was good for me.

"Fine! Fine! I kissed Link on the cheek in front of him just to piss Mr. Eye-patch off."

"Why?"

"How long are you going to ask these dumb questions?" I moaned.

He scowled.

"If you want answers, then Mugen has to be more civil." I used a cautious finger to ply the blade farther from my throat.

"Whatever," he replied as the sword went back at his side.

"Well, here's how it happened," I started as I patted him on the back and led him off back to his room. I went all the way back from when I left the cafeteria to now, leaving out the fact that **Jamie** had given him a good hair styling.

And he was quiet for a long time.

"Fucking Tiedoll," he cursed with a twitch of the eye as he stood just on the other side of the door and out of view. "There's no way in _Hell_ I'm babysitting you morons."

"Thank you!" I shot my hands up towards the heavens. "Now, about that hair tonic…"

"Shut up."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"…"

"Right, I'll see you later then!" I mockingly began to walk away, a sly smile crossing my lips.

"Snail, get back here!"

"Sorry, there is no escargot here!" My sarcasm was very strange. I always made a very stupid announcer-type voice when using the ridicule-type sarcasm. It used to make my friends think I was bipolar or something.

"No! Hey! Snail!"

"I cannot hear you," I trilled and put my ear against the door. "Was that a '_yes Ellie, I would rather like for you to go get the hair-growing stuffs_'?"

He was flustered. "Just… I… Sure! Whatever! Just go!" Even with the barrier between us, I could see his eye twitch with frustration.

"Alrighty, I'll be back soon enough. Oh! By the way Kanda," I mused. "I like your hair much better long." And I pranced off, sure he'd be steamed once he'd recovered the embarrassment.

The problem was, surprisingly, not Kanda. For, when I arrived at the door of Komui's office, it was barricaded with desks and books and far too many papers for me to get through. Reever was standing outside in front of the mess, looking both worried, and very bemused.

I looked at the blockade, then Reever, and then repeated a few times over. "So… This isn't my fault by any chance, is it?"

"Um… I'm not entirely sure…"

"He's in there, isn't he?"

"Yep."

"And Lenalee is…?"

"Just left on a mission."

"Ah… How are you going to get in there?"

"I was wondering the exact same thing."

"Do you want some help?"

"Yeah, that would be nice." Not once did he take his eyes from the door.

I clapped my hands together and smiled sweetly. "Are we going to do this with physical force, or are we going to scare him into opening it psychologically?"

He glanced at me shortly. "Which is fastest?"

I cleared my voice and stepped up to the plate. My voice needed to be perfect, so I thought hard before coming up with the line I would use.

Dare I say, it was perfect? It was so simple.

But it was so perfect.

"**OH DEAR GOD!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT PICTURE OF LENALEE?!?!**"

I had the sneaking suspicion that Komui always had a battering ram at ready. This time, he was using a podium, which was pretty effective.

"Where is the monster with a picture of my dear sweet little sister?!?!" When the battering ram hit the ground, it was instantaneously replaced by a freaking big-ass machine gun.

I rested my hand on his shoulder. He jumped and began quivering uncomfortably under my grasp. "Dead. I killed him with this thumb." I waggled my thumb next to his face. His uniform was starting to collect cold sweat. And then, I sighed. "Head Officer, I'm sorry about my actions earlier. It was not my intention to injure you. I'm just very insecure about my appearance, and even my own mother has accused me of being a prude. Can you forgive me?"

"Y-yes…." He hesitated, still shaking.

"Thank you," my voice grew lighter as I removed my hand. "Now, for reasons I cannot possibly explain right now, I need a hair-growing tonic. Where do I find such a thing?"

He turned around. It was clear that he was feeling more confident and in charge. Reever was slipping back into the office then, smiling and probably disappointed he hadn't done it himself.

"Well Ms. Ellie, nothing in this world is free~!"

"I don't have any money."

"Ah uh," he shook his finger. "If you want something _from_ me, you have to do something _for_ me."

"…?"

"How about you be a guinea pig for just this _little_ test? Nothing serious, of course," he beamed. It sickened me.

"Not without signed consent from my current guardian!"

He hummed, perplexed by the defense. "Very well. Then maybe you can help with some paperwork?" He pointed into the office.

I would never see so much paper in all the rest of my math classes put together.

"Alright, what exactly is the test?"

He smiled deeper, ear-to-ear if I may say so. "You see, I need somebody to test these." He pulled out a pair of what looked like earrings. "These are my latest masterpieces! The **Komui-Brand Telepathic Earrings**!!!"

"They… read your mind?"

"Well, they're supposed to help you here other people's thoughts~!"

"It sounds pretty safe. Why hasn't anybody else tested them?"

"Nobody else has two pierced ears," he shrugged. I realized then it was true. Allen had an ear piercing, but only one, and I couldn't recall anybody else.

I clapped my hands together. "It sounds safe, fun, and very interesting! I'm totally up for it!"

And that was where I made my mistake…

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**What did you think of the chapter? Oh, and fear not, for the funny is around the corner. I may have failed at it here...**

**R&R~!!**

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	10. Chapter 10

**I broke the 10-Chapter mark! WHoot! xD// Thanks for the reviews! I love 'em!  
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**I don't own D. Gray-Man**

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**Chapter 10**

I rubbed my temples harshly. This experiment was a pain in every way. It wasn't bad enough that I was in the cafeteria where everybody was talking and thinking all at once, and it was lunch time, but God knows I had to actually _pay attention_ to what they were thinking.

Believe me; you **DO NOT** want to know.

_I_ don't even want to remember. Unfortunately, I'm unable to forget because these things coming into my head directly from somebody else's mentally scarred me.

Here, shall I give an example?

No, trust me, you don't want to know.

How about one of the **milder** thought bubbles. Hm?

_I wonder what's up with that Kanda guy_, thought one of the Finders. _He's always such an asshole to everybody! I wish I could get him alone for what he did to Bob. I'd shove my foot right up his_—

Do we get what I mean?

Oh look, here's another one. The headache ensues!

_WHY?! How could she?! What did Two-Spot ever do to deserve that?! __**I**__ deserve Ellie's affection! What does he have that I don't?! … He has a suit… and he's a member of Crow… Do girls find secret agents sexy? Maybe I should try that? Gah! Just look at that guy! How could he ever even get a girl?! He's such a… a… something… crap… What is he? OH! It's Ellie. Mmmmm… Should I go talk to her? Will she be mad? Maybe I won't. No Yes I will! I demand an explanation!! But, I saw what she did to Komui. It's probably not safe, and she looks like she's in a bad mood…No! She can get over it! I'm going! No I'm not… Yes I am! No I'm not… GHAA!! Why is this so hard?!_

Can you possibly guess who that was?

With a twitch, I took off my earrings and stared at Lavi from across the room. Actually, it was more of a glare. He looked a bit afraid by then. I called him over with the index finger on my right hand. And he came just like a good little puppy, but his tail was between his legs. Clearly, he was freaked out.

The red-head sat across from me, frown embedded on his mug.

"Alright, what's bothering you," I grumbled.

"Ah… nothing!" He laughed, trying to sound like he actually meant it. He sounded like he was crying, actually.

I gripped the bridge of my nose. "Just get it out of your system."

"Well… okay…" He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "**WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!**" Everybody in the cafeteria stared at the two of us. At first, I jumped like something had just exploded next to my head, and then I tried to hide my red face in my hands, but it was a little too late, because Lavi was screaming and bawling. "**Why him?!?! What could he have possibly done to deserve your loooove?!**"

I bashed my head repeatedly against the table. "Lavi! SHUT UP!" I hissed.

"**It's not fair Ellie!! Why did you do it?!?**"

_"__Hero Status_!"

He stopped sobbing and just observed my expression. "Hero Status?"

I still saw a lot of eyes on us… and more specifically me. "Yeah, simple concept! Save the girl in her moment of need, and she gives you a kiss! If you want one too, wait until I'm in trouble!" I made a rolling motion with my hand in a probably useless attempt to get his response.

"So… You aren't…?"

"Dear God no!" I pulled him in close so nobody else, especially Link, could hear. "He's too much of a square for me."

He repressed some laughter. "So… we're cool, right?"

"… Yeah… Just don't tick me off." Something in his face, and the fact that he didn't leave, made me realize he wanted further explanation. "I'm a klutz. You'll get your chance! Shoo." With the wave of my left hand, he was gone. He looked rather giddy as well. I might even have seen him skip. And that wouldn't really have surprised me. He's a pretty odd guy. By "Odd" I mean meterosexual, but I think we got that.

I didn't want to put those earrings back on.

I stared at them. They were the epitome of the plague. I didn't want to know what was going through the heads of these people. No I did not. I'd heard _way_ too much for my poor teenage female brain with too much imagery already. I didn't need or want more mental scarring.

Unfortunately, this computer didn't come with the delete button.

Otherwise, all memory of Algebra, evil bunnies, and Health Class would have been burned ages ago.

It shall haunt me forever…

And then, awakening me from my angry glare at the pieces of metal that may well have ruined my mental purity, somebody rammed into me. It wasn't until I got involved that I realized there were about eight people arguing behind me. In fact, it was escalating into violence. And violence means...?

"Hey, back off man!"

"Back off?! What right do you have?! Go to Hell!"

"You go to Hell, Pig!"

"Hey, settle down you to," cried the only peacemaker.

"Stow it old man, this doesn't concern you!"

The main two of the argument were both finders. The other six or so just stood around and messed with the tension. It was like one of those scenes in the hallway at school where to people start arguing and everybody chants "Fight! Fight! Fight!" until either they get their way or a teacher comes and kicks their asses.

The first man, a dark-haired and very tall person with a scar, pushed the second, who was a more muscled and lighter haired Finder. The second bumped into me very hard, and I got crushed against the table.

I was a bit too placid that day for my own good. All of my angry energy had long been wasted. I didn't really want to be in the middle of some stupid fight, but I didn't really feel the need to defend my self. With a sigh, a waited until I was free, and then I crossed my arms and turned around to see what exactly was going on.

Finder #1 was currently in fighting position, and Finder #2 was cracking his knuckles. "You're dead now, jackass," #2 grumbled.

"Just try it, moron," #1 grumbled with arrogance.

The second did just that. His fist launched right at his opponent, and unfortunately it was placed horribly. He instead caught his knuckle on the table because the first blocked it nicely. But, when the first one tried to counter, his foot barely made so much as anything to be considered damage. And yet the second still cried out. And he punched the first Finder in the face, lightly might I add, and both toppled back.

I was appalled.

These two _sucked_.

It's just like when I try to watch boxing and the guys miss all of the open spots. It always gives me the urge to just jump in there and beat the living shit out of both of them. In fact, I may have done it once or twice had my friend Beth not gotten just a great jab into my rib cage. That always hurt. Beth was a very painful person. She couldn't spell to save her life (Only a month ago spelled 'Church' as 'Chrch'), but she really, really hurt.

I grumbled and watched the sissy fight for another moment until I just couldn't take it anymore.

I might have been a coward, and really slow, and even insane, but I sure as hell was not delicate.

If I was, chances are that getting off of the roof would have been agonizing.

"Hey," I shouted, grabbing their attention fast enough. "If you two ladies are going to fight, don't fight like pussies!"

"Excuse me?!" They both loomed over me, hoping to intimidate with their large shadows. "You think you can do better, little girl?" Oh, aren't they just menacing?

Yes! They are _very_ menacing down on the ground holding their broken noses and calling for their mommies as I threaten another axe-kick.

The two of them were just the epitome of _terror_.

"Have I gotten my point through…?" I glared with hollow eyes. They were trying very hard to crawl away, and I noticed that everybody else had moved as far to the other side of the room as they could get, quivering as my eyes met theirs.

Good.

I could use some respect.

And then, I smiled brightly, picked up the Earrings of Doom, and strolled off. I could swear that the moment I was gone, somebody said "she's almost as scary as Kanda".

I thought hard about that for a moment. _Was_ I scarier than the King of Kill himself? Well, not counting the bad hair day, I couldn't even compete. Jamie could. If Jamie had been in my situation, the two of them wouldn't have crawled away. They'd be six feet under by that time.

And that made my easily-distracted mind focus more on where exactly Jamie was. She planned to hide the decapitated pony-tail in Komui's office, and that couldn't have taken too long. So, where exactly was she? More importantly, was Kanda still alive? She seemed to have it out for him. In her sleep, she mentioned getting her weapon and shooting him in the face. It was creepy. Because, she actually, probably, would do it too.

And then shooting got me thinking about stuff too. The D-Champions really did sound very ticked when we said we'd be out of town…

And then the Higher-Ups were delighted when we said we were coming here.

Those people are freaking psycho though.

But, when you're choosing between joining the people who are stricter than Nazis and don't care if you live or die, and the ones that are pitifully unorganized and a little too neighborly, you're not going to choose the people who'd get you sent to the front lines on day one. "Welcome to the Vatican! You're going to go get shot in the name of our hopelessly pointless war!"

I'm sorry people, it's true.

As I quested for the answers to questions that nobody was even man enough to bring forth, I was suddenly yelled at by a very ticked Jamie.

"WAKE UP!!!"

I woke up. I flew a good three feet into the air, and I landed on my butt in the middle of the hall. And then I fell back and looked up at her. She glared down at me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get a new perspective. This one scares me."

She kicked me in the gut and scowled. "I just talked to Lydia. The package isn't coming until tomorrow." Just as I was about to start whining with displeasure, Jamie shut me up with another question. "Want to go find an Akuma to kill?"

"TOTALLY!!"

D-Champions forever man, D-Champions forever.

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**Who are the D-Champions?!**

**Dun Dun Dun...**

**Cliffhanger!**

**Meh, that Chapter was alright, but I still wasn't too happy with it. **

**Tips? Questions? Comments? Regular? Diet? Other? Don't forget to review!!  
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	11. Chapter 11

**I don't own D. Gray-Man. Still. And never. Which sucks.**

**R&R, and please enjoy!! ^-^**

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**Chapter 11**

I'd gotten about two feet closer to my destination when I was hit right in the face by a rather important realization. "Oh wait, I have to bring Kanda some hair tonic…"

Jamie grumbled and rolled her eyes. "Well, get going!"

I didn't leave though. I just sort of stood there without a single functioning thought in my head. I really did want to get back on Kanda's good side for the moment, but I really didn't want to go anywhere near Komui for fear I'd kill him and then I'd get in trouble for that.

And then I remembered something else.

I'd almost forgotten that I was at war with everybody's favorite anti-social samurai… exorcist… person.

"Screw it, let's go!"

But, nothing is ever that convenient, is it? Just as Jamie and I had managed to get all the way to the exit, we were joined by my new found stalker. "Hey!!" Lavi was starting to bother me. I collected my crumbling sanity and made a very painful smile at him. He jumped back a few ticks at seeing it, but it never really deterred him.

"Yes… Lavi…?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

"Just wondering where the two of you were going! Anything I can help with?"

"No thank you."

"Aw~! Come on!"

"She said no, jackass! Get lost," Jamie didn't need to worry about control. I could see her hands wriggling, wanting so very badly to crawl down into her huge side-bag and pull out her weapon. It was probably killing her that she wasn't allowed to. Actually, it was kind of killing me. I would have let her shoot Lavi between the eyes right then. And I would have enjoyed it, I bet.

"Woah now, no need to get violent!" He still beamed. "Come on, there must be something you two could use some help with, wherever you're going."

"No."

"A big strong escort, maybe?"

"Even if we _did_ need a "big strong escort", nobody here fits the bill."

"Ouch. Maybe somebody to carry your shopping bags? Hm?"

"I'd sooner shoot my self in the face than be go shopping."

"Oh, okay then. Well, there are _always_ Akuma out there, and somebody should be there to protect you, just in case."

Jamie snorted at the boy's idiocy. I wanted to do it, but she beat me. "What qualifies _you_ of all people to protect _us_ from Akuma?" she retorted. "You can't even protect _one_ Ellie from _one_ glass bottle."

I gawked. "You heard about that?"

"Who hasn't?"

We then focused back on Lavi, who was defeated. He struggled to find something to say in his defense. "Yeah… well… What makes you think you'll be safe all alone?!"

"Believe me Lavi; we're probably safer without you."

"NOOOOOO~!!" He jumped and grabbed onto my right foot. As hard as I shook, I couldn't get him off. "I will not allow you to endanger your life in vaaiiiin!!!"

"Oh, **SHUT UP**!" Jamie rolled her eyes again and kicked him in the side. But, he had a tight grip. There was no way we'd be getting rid of him.

I sighed heavily. "Lavi, this is of **TOP-SECRET** importance! We cannot let you 'tag along' on something of such magnitude!"

"What could possibly be so important?!"

"You aren't female. Therefore, you'd never understand."

For a moment he stopped and pondered this. "Nope, I'm still not letting go," he said at last. "LET ME COOOOOOOME~!!"

Jamie, worked up to her boiling point, wasn't going to stay civil anymore. She reached into her bag and pulled out a really big-ass gun.

I'm not kidding.

That gun was **badass**.

And it was **freaking gigantic**.

And the barrel was stuck right in Lavi's face.

"Listen here you stupid ass." She sounded calm, but underneath was something so completely cynical that no living person it was directed upon could grasp their sanity in its presence. "If you want to live, I recommend that you turn around, go bother somebody else, and forget you ever saw us. If not, not only will I kill you, but I will also kill anybody who finds evidence of your death, and evidence of their deaths, and then any evidence of _their_ deaths, and so on and so forth. Is that perfectly clear?"

He gulped hard and his eye twitched a bit. Sweat started to run down his brow in anxiety. "Heh… yes ma'am."

"Good," she bluntly put forth, returning her weapon to concealment.

The two of us strode casually out of the door and I could tell Jamie was proud of herself. And, I would bet anything Lavi was dangerously close to having an accident.

--

My friend groaned and shifted her weight to the other arm as she leaned against the rim of the roof. "Well, this sucks," she complained.

"I couldn't agree more." My chin rested heavily in my hand. "But hey, it's a nice view."

"Sure, if you like cities." Her weapon had yet to be removed from its case. Er, if you don't count the Lavi incident. "Why the hell is it so damned quiet?!"

"I don't… oh yeah…"

She blinked and looked at me with accusation. "What do you mean 'oh yeah'?!"

I smiled brightly.

I hadn't wanted to go to London. I was almost completely opposed to it. I had work and school to handle, and leaving the United States was so far outside my comfort zone that I'd be paying every cent to my name for a phone call to it. But, the 'almost' in 'almost completely' was actually what persuaded me to go. I'd just forgotten because, well, if you were running from robots and getting chemicals spilled on you and getting lost and being sexually harassed within the first forty-eight hours of your visit, you'd forget some details too.

The reason was a very famous unit in the D-Champions.

"This is the same area watched by the _**Deadlock Division**_," I said with some day-dreaming present in my vocals.

"Son of a bitch! The hell didn't you say that earlier?!"

But I kept grinning. "We should go say hello to them again!"

She took a long wait in deliberating, and then an awful grin came onto her face. "Oh, I know what this is. You don't want to say 'hi' to the Deadlock Division."

"… But I just suggested it?"

"No, I see what this is. You just want to go talk to **Lucien Maddox**, don't you?!"

I'd had a red face many times during the last two days, but I'm pretty sure that somewhere down there "that red light on that building over there" was stopping traffic. "N-No!" I stuttered uselessly.

Alright, so maybe my goal _wasn't_ to see the Deadlock Division.

Maybe I _did_ want to talk to Lucien.

So what?!

I liked him.

So there!

Lucien wasn't really normal. Can you recall in the first chapter of this insane adventure when I said I was odd? That I was too tall, too smart, too strong (and yet not athletic), too slow, and basically categorized wrong?

Well, if you put Lucien into the same system of judgment, you'd find he was too tall, too strong (more athletic than I was), too fast, smart, anti-social, and as a whole a very scary person, as his eyes held a natural and uncharacteristic glare. In truth, Lucien was shy. He was even shier than I was. It wasn't that he disliked people; it's that they were usually too afraid of him.

But, as I'd been dealing with Jamie and Beth in the same room and both after my head at once for years, I wasn't one to discriminate so.

And he was cute too.

"Hey! Wake up!" Jamie slapped me in the side of the head and awoke me from my little trance. "What the hell was that about?!"

"Nothing! I was just… just… nothing!"

"Moron," she mumbled as she grabbed my hand and started wheeling me in the general direction of the Deadlock Division's headquarters.

Because, as fellow members of the D-Champions, they'd probably be delighted to see us!

Or they'd kill us on the spot for knowing where to look and then I would never get back to the Black Order, and then Kanda would be really pissed of, and he'd kill me twice-over.

That would really suck, by the way.

--

I drew in a breath. Why was _I_ always the one that had to knock? Why couldn't Jamie do it herself?

Besides, the boss scared the shit out of me.

I didn't really remember that before I rapped on the rickety wooden door that was down a slummy alley. There weren't any standing street signs in the area, so finding the place was difficult enough. And, surely, getting in wouldn't be fun either.

"Who's there?!" It was a gruff and angry voice.

I sighed. I also prayed I didn't screw up the code. "**Friends of a real Champion**."

"OH HOLY SHIT!!" Several crashing noises were in the background and a few voices were crying out in either frustration or similar surprise. "Hey, put out that smoke! We've got guests!!"

The door was sloppily opened by a very tall and bulky man who wore many scars on his face. His head was shaved bald, yet he had a scraggly beard and his appearance reminded me a little bit of a gangster version of Sana Clause.

"Hey! I know you two! Ellinora Blue and Jamie Perce! What brings the Rangers here?!" He stuck his head out and looked around. "Where's the rest of 'em?"

"Just us, sir," I grinned, a lot more relaxed now. Apparently, management had changed since I last met them. I wasn't going to complain. "We're hanging around on _vacation_, and thought we'd drop by."

"Well don't stand out there!" he chuckled heartily. "Come on in!" He guided us in, pushing both of us in at once with his gigantic arm.

And the first person I saw when I stepped foot in there was the one person I didn't want to see.

"Ms. Ellie, you've met Damon Church before, right?"

His glower and utter stupor in hatred of seeing me bled into his words. "Why! Hello again, Ms. Ellie!"

"Ehhh… Hello… Damon…"

"Are you ready for me to stick a spike through your brain yet, lass?"

Well, that got off to a wonderful start.

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**The next chapter or so is mostly for explaining who the D-Champions are, and then we get back to making the lives of exorcists miserable. This I swear!! Don't forget to review!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Wow, really late update! Sorry all! I've been busy. I just took my latest Karate test, so I hope I passed. If I did, I'll be a Red Belt! FREAKING SWEET!!**

**As always, please enjoy, R&R**

**And cross your fingers that the release date of the next DGM (March 9th) doesn't get moved back. (I don't own it either) (duh)**

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**Chapter 12**

I sighed. "Well, crap."

"Come again?!" Damon, who'd previously been sitting contently on the couch that looked like somebody had tried to torch it (which was a distinct possibility), stood and approached me. He'd always been really tall and buff. Now, he was a good full foot taller than I was, and he had more muscle than anybody I'd seen since, well, the last time I'd seen Damon. "Or, maybe you'd prefer to pay me back the cash you owe me instead?"

"I don't owe you _anything_," I squeaked unconvincingly.

"Nice try. Fifty bucks, American, NOW."

"Whaaaa~!" I wailed in annoyance, and also with hopelessness. And then, I stared at Jamie in a plea for help.

"Oh no you don't! You're on your own. You **knew** this was going to happen sooner or later!"

I grumbled. "Fine." Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out two twenties. "I have forty with me, and I'll pay back the other ten later, deal?"

He was quick to take the money, but the deal faltered. "Sorry lass, but you've got interest now. You owe me about… oh… another thirty dollars."

"WHAT?! The Hell?! You cheap bastard! I'm gonna kick your ass!" Before I could do just that, unfortunately, the leader pulled me back. Jamie grabbed my other arm and wheeled me away, shaking her head with disappointment.

The large man spoke up. "Miss Blue, I respect what you've done for the D-Champions, but I can't have you acting out. Now, was there a reason you two ladies came here?"

"No…" I muttered sourly. "We just wanted to say 'hi'…"

"Actually," Jamie, more sensible at the time, spoke up. "Ellie has to talk to Lucien concerning the Grid. Is he here now?"

"The kid? Hmm, yeah, he was here. Let me check." He sucked in a gulp of air. "**LUCIEN!!! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!! YOUR WOMAN IS HERE!!"**

"His what?!" I squeaked again, and tried very hard to avoid blushing. Everybody in the house, ten people now including us, looked up the stairs. The first door to the left swung open, and Lucien stared out in horror. His pretty auburn eyes were tangerine sized; about the same as mine. And then, in a moment of grace, he fell out from behind the door and half-way down the flight of stairs before regaining his balance and trying to look like he still had some sanity left after being called out. Both of us failed at that horribly. He ran his hair nervously through his hair, a color to match his eyes, and grimaced.

"Boss, she's not my woman." He always spoke with a certain depth. Even if he was making a pouting face.

"Well, it got you down here, didn't it? Go on you two love birds!" He shoved me hard in the direction of the stairs. And then he shoved Lucien too, only a lot harder so he actually slammed into the rail.

Not that it mattered. I was more than happy to get away from the psychos. As for Jamie, she'd be fine. She was almost worse than they were. If they got out of hand, she'd just beat them to a bloody, crying pulp. I'd seen her do it before. It wasn't pretty at all.

The stairs creaked under our combined weight, but Lucien didn't seem to notice much. He'd just been thoroughly embarrassed, so how could he? We took the door at the end of the hallway, leading us up and out to the roof.

I watched as the boy slowly sauntered to the edge and put his hands on the chain-link fence built around it. "Um… Hi Ellie."

"Hi… Lucien." I got a few steps closer, but wasn't confident enough to be close yet. Obviously, asking directly to see him had been a mistake. Just what I needed was for _another_ mistake to keep me up at night. The zombie ordeal was troubling enough.

He turned his head part-way around. "Does this have something to do with Grid? I noticed you don't have yours, so…"

I shook me head. "Uh, no… Jamie just came up with that excuse at the last moment." I got a little nearer to him, enough that if I wanted to, I could touch the fence. "I just wanted to… ugh… maybe I shouldn't have come. I can leave if-"

"No! No, you don't have to go I just didn't expect to see you here."

"I figured. Your boss seems… enthusiastic?"

He sighed and stared at the streets below, cold and empty. "He's not so bad." It was quiet for a minute as we watched the light of the city glitter off in the distance, far away from the slums. "You know," he began slowly. "When we were back in the U.S. and I made that offer… It _is_ still open… but, only if you want to! I'm not going to try to impose or-"

"Oh, no not a problem! Actually… that's what I wanted to talk about." I was red in the face now, so I turned away. "I'd really like it, you know."

"Uh, really?!"

"Yes, really!" I sheepishly rubbed the back of my head. "SO, that's it then, it's settled… isn't it?"

He reached out and grabbed me hand. I was forced to look him in the face. I loved that smile. It was always so childlike and yet still meaningful. "So, now Boss can't say that just to embarrass me."

"Hey now!" In a mocking voice, I tapped his forehead with my finger. "'Your Woman' is a little uncomfortable with the attention!"

He chuckled at the remark. "I get it. Oh, where are you two staying? You didn't come all this way on the Cannonball just for a daytrip, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "We didn't get to come on the Cannonball. I got escorted here by exorcists."

He dropped my hand and began to look concerned. "They didn't! They couldn't have!"

"Settle down Lucien! It hasn't got anything to do with it. No, my Uncle and parents decided I needed some time away, so I got dragged here by boat, by train, and by God-knows-what-else." I sighed and waved my hand around. "It's been crazy."

"You're really alright with spending time with the Black Order?" His feet were scuffing into the stone under us. "I could get you moved in here."

"No way José! If I stayed here, Damon would drown me in complaints about me not paying him for fixing the Grid that day! (It was his fault to begin with!!) And, beside that, they'd get suspicious and come looking for me. That would be a bloody mess."

"Oh no… They stuck you with that Kanda guy, didn't they?!"

"How did you guess?"

"Nobody else would go on a killing rampage if you didn't get back." He let go of the fence with his other hand. "His attitude sucks. I almost got killed trying to destroy an Akuma when he got sent to retrieve Innocence from it. He'd have the head of every civilian in the area if the D-Champions didn't keep a close eye on the Black Order."

I rolled my eyes again. "Tell me about it."

"You'd better get going. I don't want to be on his bad side. "

I nodded and he walked me back to the door. When we opened it, however, Damon, the boss, and a couple other guys all fell out onto the roof and stared at us laughingly. They'd been eavesdropping the whole time.

As I shooed a well-entertained Jamie out of the Headquarters with me, I distinctly heard all of the guys congratulating, and picking on Lucien.

--

As we walked back to the Black Order's HQ, I pondered how I'd gotten into my self in this far.

Who are the D-Champions?

Well, when you sign up for it, they tell you that they're just a little militia group that has a goal to destroy the Earl and the Noah, but not in a way that tethers us to religion. Some of us have Innocence of our own. Most of us do not. We're behind the Black Order in most ways. We lack the organization they have, and the central command.

But, that's also what keeps us alive. As time goes by, you find you're not part of a militia, but a very sophisticated spy-based union. We don't collect Innocence, so we don't step on the Order's toes. We don't directly attack the Earl or Noah because that would make us vulnerable.

But, how is it, do you think, that the world isn't one hundred percent Akuma run? Exorcists sure as Hell can't keep up with it.

You can thank the D-Champion for our killings. We have specially developed weapons that kill Akuma, even without Innocence. I can't tell you how it was done, because there's too much math involved and I got lost about one equation through the mess. What I can say, is that it works.

But the Vatican considers us a terrorist group. Grateful little buggers, aren't they? Save the People, and you're automatically an enemy. Well damn!

The other thing that sets us apart is technology. The Black Order has more chemical things, but my group has the mechanics down to instinct.

The down-sides are pretty nasty though.

You're responsible for your actions. You screw up; you've got your team to save you and nobody else. D-Champions can't save your ass. They're not a spanned enough group for it.

You lose you're weapon, and that is what kills you.

Not that it matters much if you have Innocence too.

But hey, that's why I have the Grid.

_Had_ the Grid.

--

Kanda stood there, glaring at the two of us, tapping his toe impatiently. Somehow, he'd managed to get the tonic on his own. Somehow, he'd gotten Lavi to spill about how we'd left. And, somehow, the little trip Jamie and I had taken had swung back around, whacked us in the back of the head, and sent us both reeling.

No, actually, I was reeling. Jamie was fine.

"Where were you two?" His eyes were intent on looking right into my soul, and then ripping it apart like paper.

Hopefully, not rice paper.

A phonebook would be cool with me though.

"We were out." I attempted to look like I didn't give a shit. As good of an actor as I am, Kanda's a much better sociopath.

"Out _where?_"

"Wherever." I shrugged

"Wrong answer." And then came Mugen. Every time, I swear! Kanda's just a bit too trigger-happy. Only, there's no trigger and he's never happy.

"Hey man, I don't go around pointing a weapon at your throat every time you don't tell me where you were for a couple hours! Besides, what could _I_ do?! Really man, do you think I'm some kind of Terrorist bomber or something?!"

"_Snail, you'd better quit being a smart ass and tell me, or it's going to be very painful for you_."

"Oh, believe me; I'd be in a lot more pain if I told you."

"_**NOW**_."

"Fine! Fine! I was talking to my boyfriend. Happy?" The fact that I blushed again when I said it obviously made him accept it as true.

"B-BOYFRIEND?!?!" Lavi, like some kind of magical elf or something, appeared out of nowhere. "You didn't say you had a boyfriend!!"

"That's because I didn't."

"But-"

"Lavi, as of about two forty-five today, I'm taken. An old friend finally asked me, and therefore, he's my boyfriend now, but was not earlier. Understand?"

I could just see him turning to liquid and falling to the floor. But God, I felt like Grade-A material! Oh, he really did fall on the floor. Hm… Interesting.

Kanda looked at the red-head with disgust. "Snail, you're coming with us on a mission."

"Kandasaywhat?"

"Mission. You. Now." He tossed a folder into my arms. I briefly looked over it.

And then I paused in terror.

I didn't want any part in this mission anymore.

No way.

Not if I was going to have to wear a dress!


End file.
